Update: Presence: the Gift that Keeps on Giving

We have all seen those memes of “How it started vs how it’s going”, right? I figured since we are at the halfway point of the summer I would check in on my progress with my intention to be more present with my kids from our May blog post.

So far I would give myself a “B-” if asked for a letter grade. Some days we (oftentimes me) just can’t seem to get it together. I am working on saying, “it’s ok, we can reset and try again tomorrow”. Other days we have planned things to do together, or time set aside, and I feel like, “ok, I am doing this!” I thought it might be helpful to share a few things that I feel are going well:

Use that car ride to connect
I know, I know, we’ve all heard about using the time in the car to talk to your kids since they can’t escape you—but, admittedly, it’s true! It's also a time to simply chat intentionally even if in small increments. The other day I had to take my son to a doctor's appointment that was a 30-minute drive each way. On the ride there we listened to music we both liked and sang along. On the way home I asked him about the book series he is reading and loves and tried to learn more about the characters and why he likes it so much. There was no big message or agenda, but I thought, “ok, how often am I solo in the car with one kid?” (answer: almost never). I saw it as an opportunity to connect and show interest in his interests since those conversations don’t always naturally happen, especially on days we are going from one thing to the next or my two kids are together.

Leave the phone alone (as in, without you)
They ding and ping and demand your attention all day long. The level to which our phones distract us is a big barrier to being present—and, I dare to say, this goes for not just parents but any human being that owns a smartphone. To help my real life win the battle against my phone for my attention I have turned off all notifications except text messages and phone calls. I also ask myself, “do I need my phone with me right now?” If I’m with my kids at the park or playground I leave it in the car. If we go for a walk with the dog around the neighborhood I leave the phone at home. Having the phone out of reach really does help to fully engage with where you are and who is with you.

Overall, what I have found works best for me is to try to be present (and grateful) in these everyday moments that are naturally part of our days. I heard a very wise podcaster recently reflect and share that “all the everyday moments are what life is made of.” Yes, the vacations, big trips, and life milestones matter, but the day-to-day car rides, dog walks, family dinners, etcetera, those are what make up a life. We still have just over a month of summer left so I am going to keep chugging along aiming for presence—or as my parenting idol Mom Tiger (the mom character from Daniel Tiger, the cartoon series based on Mr. Rogers Neighborhood; I long for her calm and level of zen) says, “Enjoy the wow, that’s happening now.”