The September Struggle (and Excitement) is Real

September is here. Kids are in school again and structure has returned. Many of us (maybe most of us?) welcome this time of year as “summer together time” has peaked and is petering out. My kids and I feel ready for a change of routine and season come the end of August (even though it is a strange in between time as I wrote about last month). 

But forget January, September is truly the “new year”, as my friend and co-host Bethann told me, “September is the real new year where we all get an opportunity to start fresh.” I tend to agree! In my house, we are excited to get new school supplies and backpacks. We are filled with anticipation to see who is in whose class, and what each new teacher is like. But we are also filled with lots of big feelings that we aren’t quite sure how to deal with…the “we” here being my kids, but also me at times. 

Maybe this scenario is also happening in your home?: My kids (4th grader and Kindergartener) come home and prefer to have a half hour or so to veg out. They have been out in the world all day and need some time to recharge and be alone (I can very much relate to this feeling). So we have it set so they each can have screen time and snacks when they get home for a half hour. However, after those 30 minutes are up, any emotion that can or wants to emerge will find its way out. Turns out the “witching hour” I remember from when my kids were babies and toddlers carries on into the elementary school years. 

So there is actually a term for this: “After-school restraint collapse”. It is a phenomenon where kids basically vomit all their feelings, often on you, the loving parent, as soon as they get home because they couldn’t unload these emotions at school or daycare all day. They had to hold it together, and did, and now that they are home in a safe space, it all comes out. 

For us, this may look like one of my kids completing their homework and at the first challenging question, a full meltdown ensues. They just have no more frustration tolerance left. Usually this is the worst in the first few weeks of returning to school as we are all acclimating to the new routine. In this article from Todays Parent, they note that although it may be difficult, try not to take it personally and be triggered by these outbursts. Giving kids space after school to decompress and validating their emotions if they are melting down can help. 

Another way to help your kids to emotionally regulate is to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. If you are able to read, take a walk, meditate, or do something kind for yourself before your kids get home, you will be better equipped to handle all the struggles that may be arriving with the homework and empty lunch boxes. And some days the struggle is real! This is one of the strategies Dr. Lou Bevilacqua from Sanare Today shared in our latest Parent to Parent Podcast episode about emotional regulation and dealing with big feelings. Personally I try to make sure I do my meditation app for 10 minutes or so at some point in the afternoon before I have to head to the bus stop (yes, I won’t shut up about meditating and am still all about it). Although it might feel counterintuitive, prioritizing taking care of yourself helps you take care of your little (and big) people and their big feelings. 

I would love to hear how your start to the “new year” school year is going! Email me at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org or you can find me on Instagram or Facebook.