Wine Time to Woo Woo
It’s been a year with no alcohol for me as of this month. I never thought I would be a person who didn’t enjoy a glass of wine (or two) a few times a week, but here I am. I thought it might be helpful to share the things I have learned about myself here and please note I am only speaking about my personal experience. (Substance use disorder can be mild, moderate, or severe. Learn more about alcohol use disorder here.)
During the beginning of the pandemic I noticed that I was having wine more evenings than usual. I mean–nowhere to go, nowhere to be, right? Plus my social media feed was filled with #thisiswhymomdrinks and the like messaging so we were all just trying to survive, right? Studies now show this was a thing–overall alcohol consumption increased among all Americans during Covid, and especially among mothers to small children.
I started to notice that I was looking forward to my wine time a little too much. It was taking a priority in my life and occupying a lot of brain space that sounded eerily similar to how I describe substance abuse and substance use disorder to students in a college class that I teach. SO when I saw lots of hype for Dry January in 2021, I felt like that would give me an opportunity to reset. I should also mention that substance use disorder runs in my family so I have always had the genetic component in the back of my head too.
Doing Dry January definitely helped me reset and reflect. I noticed I was sleeping better (less 3am restless wake ups), I felt overall less anxious, and I became less focused on “I just want to get to 5:30pm so I can take a break with a glass of wine.” That’s the thing—the wine was well, wine, but it also was like a symbol of a “finish line” I needed to get to in order to justify taking a break after a day of virtual school, virtual work, everyone home, ordering grocery pick ups, reading (or avoiding) the latest news, etc. The depressant effects of alcohol (ie “buzz” that makes you feel relaxed) were also alluring, full stop. But that effect doesn’t last too long and I started to feel this finish line became kind of stressful to get to, if that makes sense. Also as time went on my tolerance increased so I rarely was ever having only one glass, which overall was not great for my health.
I wondered if other women were having these same feelings so of course I did what any midlife mom would do… I searched on Instagram. There I found lots of #sobermom content. Women who were questioning their relationship with alcohol but were not fully dependent on alcohol. I learned more about gray area drinking (oh hello), hangxiety, being sober curious, and “mommy wine/drinking” culture. It was intriguing, and comforting, to see that others were having these same thoughts and reflections, and many shared the benefits of giving up alcohol completely.
Over the next year and a half I continued to reflect on my alcohol use (I was drinking, but less often), had some health things happen, started working with a therapist for my anxiety, and moved forward toward my 40th birthday–a sure milestone to make you question all your life choices. In August of 2022, my husband and I went on a day date to lunch. I had a craft beer which was tasty, but then made me feel so blah later on and I had a little voice that went “lets be done”. And I just was.
It feels less stressful to parent my kids now that the “finish line” was removed. I feel more patient with them. Also I should note that I worked to put breaks into my day for myself in other ways as that was what I was really craving. Now a year out I don’t have this thing I fixate on and I feel lighter and more free. Which I know may sound woo woo but that is the only way I can describe it! I still have my anxiety that I actively work on, but it’s easier without alcohol dialing it up.
The brain is a funny thing though and every once in a while it’ll flash, “oh a glass of wine would be really good right now.” But then I ask myself “OK, what do I really need?” To call a friend, go for a walk, take a nap, read a book? And then I do that thing and protect my woo woo lightness and free feeling.
If my story resonates with you (or not!) I would love to hear from you! Email me at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org.