Life Skills–Literally

I am writing this at the end of our first week of summer and we are starting to get into our rhythm. My kids, husband, and I had a summer planning meeting (as mentioned in a recent podcast episode) to map out what “regular” weekdays would look like and our goals for the summer. Our goals are: 1) To be kind (can I emphasize this with my font anymore? Ahem.); and 2) Tidy your things each day. My own personal goal is to get my kids to do more for themselves and shift out of my “I have to do everything for everyone” mindset. Here is how I plan to achieve this. 

Each day my kids will have a checklist they have to complete before they can use screens. It includes the basics (get dressed, brush teeth, etc.) and has one daily chore to complete. I quickly learned with the daily chore that I need to provide very literal and clear directions. I also learned that sometimes (possibly most times) I cannot assume they already know how to complete the task. Let me give an example.

My son (age 9) had a water fight with the neighborhood kids and came home soaked. I asked him to hang up his wet clothes outside to dry. Later I went out and found the t-shirt and shorts in crumpled piles on the railing of our deck. Would they dry? No…well, maybe in a week. Were they technically “outside and (sort of) hanging up”? Yes… so he technically did what I asked, but I didn’t realize I had to explicitly show him how to hang up wet clothes to dry quickly. My brain said, “Seriously, I have to explain this?” Then the lightbulb went off and I thought “Ok, seriously I have to explain this.” 

Turns out that when assigning my kids jobs I have to be super clear about what to do and each step. I also need to expect to show them how to do tasks if it is the first time and/or if there is a specific way I want the task done. By setting my expectations and being clear, my hope is this will: 1) Prevent me from feeling like “I have to do everything”; and 2) Get momentum on giving my kids more responsibilities (in addition to their daily chores). 

I think often I can get into the habit of doing things because I have always done them, or because “it is just easier/faster if I do this myself”. Unless you stop and reflect you can just kind of keep on keeping on (and I find resentment will also keep on keeping on). But if the goal of parenting is to equip our kids with life skills before they leave home, our favorite motto of “you don’t know what you don’t know” applies here. Another benefit of giving kids more responsibility is it builds independence and self-efficacy, which in turn increases self-confidence. 

The other day I was packing a bag to go on a hike and I just stopped and thought, “Wait a minute, my kids can do this for themselves.” I have learned extra time needs to be built into plans–it will take a little longer for a bag to be packed by my kids than for me to quickly get everything together on autopilot. However, once they get those skills down, that is a help to me and their future adult selves. The beauty of summer is we have a bit more time and space to literally learn together.

I would love to hear if you are doing things with your kids to teach new skills this summer? You can email me at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org or find me on Instagram or Facebook to send a message!